My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
