This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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