Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
