dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
