strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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