i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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