He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
