Will you blow on my dice?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
