I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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