I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Randomize
