oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
