Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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