Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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