sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize