youre lurking in front of me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
