I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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