A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she looked like the before picture.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
the liver wants what the liver wants
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
