I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
