So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
