the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
