Where did you get a picture of my penis
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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