I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
