He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
