Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
