How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
