Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize