i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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