WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
