i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
