I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
