fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
