first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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