Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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