Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
