Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
