She announced her abortion via fbk
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
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