Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
