I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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