were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize