five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
