pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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