It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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