I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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