I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Found the puke drawer
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
