And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
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