we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
