Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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