Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
