So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize