Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
