I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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