I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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