How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
