god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize