Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
