I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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