Betty ford says i'm here all night
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
