my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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