Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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