I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
