Cold hands, warm shart.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
