Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
