Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
