So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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