He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
