Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
