I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
