I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
