And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Man, jail baloney is awful.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize